I’m edgy and restless. My heart is eager to leave now,damn waiting til next year. I want to go now,I miss Lori so much and I’ll miss her more tomorrow then I did today. What is so bitterly funny about this weekend is it’s Easter. Where we celebrate Jesus’s resurrection of his death at the hands of the Jews. I have pointed out to many persons how even God knows grief and loss. He sent his Son to us in order to save the human race from itself. But God,even in his most divine power could only suffer the loss of his son for 3 days before bringing Him back from the dead.
How are we as mere humans be blamed for wanting the same thing? To be reunited with our loved ones now instead of waiting years? It’s a question that no one can truly answer honestly and be at peace with. How is it we as a people can justify killing others in war but deny other’s the right to choose their pain and suffering by their own hand.
I know many of you will not or can not understand what I am feeling but there are many who do and even now,understand it.
Don’t worry,I am not going anywhere,I am just trying to vent some of my feelings here and regain my footing.
The entry below was written on 14 April 2011. A lot has changed since I wrote this.
We no longer have our Borders bookstore,the company folded a few years back.
Fangoria is also gone. I hardly ever see Marlene and Dylan because of their very busy schedules. Dylan has grown up to be a fine young man and is playing football at a local high school.
I see Deb a couple times every year,she hasn’t aged at all and is as beautiful as the day I met her.
Of course Derek Jeter and Ginger are also gone as well. I know they both with Lori along with so many others.
American Idol is also gone as well,you rarely hear about a single singer from the past few years of the show.
Mitch Albom is still conducting his mission in Haiti,trying to make a difference in a very bleak nation that knows only sadness and poverty. He still works tirelessly to help others. I know reading what I just wrote about Mitch and still feeling like I do seems selfish but it’s not. It is just what I am feeling. I make no apologies for it.
Its 10:56 pm
So…where to start? Got the pathology report yesterday…Dr. Johnston called us and told us that my wife’s case was the talk of the tumor board this week. Seems like her case is a little unique….can’t say I’m really happy about that,wish it had been a normal case with the 87% cure rate that she had told us before the surgery. But once,not so lucky,kids…we’re going to have to fight for this one….so any volunteers want to join us? Besides Michelle in N. Dakota…*s*
We have 3 trips to Ann Arbor in the next 10 days or so….lots of tests,cat scans,a MUGA test,education classes about what to expect from chemotherapy and of course,the first chemo treatment itself. We have started to read about the chemo…and the resticted diet related to it….looks like pizza is going to be out for a while among other things.
The amount of support we have just started to recieve is very touching….our neighbor Marlene and her son Dylan came by last night with a meal. She insisted that we call her if we need anything at all….and today my wife’s best friend,Deb came by and brought some excellent cookies and information about wigs and insight into the chemo. She herself,had breast cancer and had surgery/chemo/radiation and managed to beat back that beast. My wife and I baked a Alton Brown Mac and Cheese and had a great visit.
At about 4 pm,I went out to the bookstore to chill…the new Fangoria wasn’t in yet,I wanted to read Debbie Rochon’s column….it would have been the perfect escape for a fanboy like me.
So I had to settle for reading a excellent article about the sad murder of Denver Bronco player Darrent Williams,who was gunned down on New Year’s Day 2007. Reading about this sad yet typical incident among certain players in sports just showed just how ignorance and stupidity can cost you everything. Caught this story in Sports Illiustrated for those of you who might want to check it out.
The Borders bookstore was pretty busy,then again,our branch always seems busy. I read a little more then headed on back. I got back in time to see my wife’s friend off. I made sure my wife was comfy,gave her meds to her,fixed us a light snack and we watched the American Idol results show,the guy we thought would go home did. My pick for this season to win is James…he has a great backstory and he has got pipes! And getting Zakk Wylde to play with him on his song only upped his metal credibilty..course,I might have to ask the King of Metal,my former partner in crime at the EDGE,Jimmy Arceneaux,to re-affirm my opinion.
Derek’s back paw seems to be healed but I have noticed he has quit jumping up on the counter…I think he is starting to sense his limitations at age 11. No more monster leaps for him….but he can still rip it up the stairs in record time,fur flying on the steps. Just glad to see to see him running…
Like to say congrats to Fox 2 journalist and friend Amy Lange and her husband Michael for being nominated for a Emmy for thier great story on Haiti. The past two years,Amy and Michael have traveled to Haiti with local writer Mitch Albom to help an orphanage that was badly damaged by the earthquake there. They spend 7-10 days,building,repairing,getting medical help to the young lives affected by the loss of a parent. Amy files reports and helps raise awareness and much needed support to Haiti. The country still lies in ruins and despair even to this day. Amy,Michael and Mitch’s work helps make life a little better there.