Have Cheetah,Will View #70 “The Stone Council”(2006)

It’s 11:01 pm

The cheetah and I decided to take a peek at another movie of our recent library haul. We already had watched “Storm” and thought “The Stone Council”,a 2006 French supernatural thriller starring two of the biggest internationals actresses working today, the legendary Catherine Deneuve and Italian beauty Monica Bellucci. It was because of Bellucci that I took a flyer on “The Stone Council”,getting Deneuve was just an added bonus.

So the cheetah and I settled in to watch this tale unfold,as I am typing this review,I can hear Paladin downstairs still waiting for the story to take shape. He’ll be downstairs a LONG time based on we saw (or didn’t).

The Stone Council starts off with a couple somewhere in a mountain complex trying to rescue a elderly Asian man at night. As they try to drive away,they see a security aiming rifles at time and then shooting them,the man dies instantly,the woman is thrown in a sewer shaft and dies reaching out for a locket.
Present day Paris and we meet Laura (Bellucci) and her adopted son Liu. She is a single parent despite her ex-boyfriend Lucas who wants to get back with her. She keeps her distance from him and shares a flat with her friend Clarisse. Laura works as an interpreter in Paris. She remained close friends with Sybille Weber (Deneuve) the woman who helped Laura adopt Liu.

Strange things suddenly start to happen like Laura and Liu dreaming the same dreams and Liu developing a small mark on his body. Laura has the mark checked out but Dr. Vonkel says its nothing to worry about.
At Laura’s office she meets a Russian interpreter named Sergei Markov who shows interest in Laura. She is flattered but not interested.
When Lucas calls with a emergency translating job in Germany that will take Laura away for 4 days,even more weirdness happens.
A elderly tribesman is then seen giving a stone knife to a young man,he is to kill certain people so the Stone Council can’t take place.
By now the cheetah is looking at me and his tail is starting to really swish,he is annoyed by the terrible script,bad dub job and crappy editing. But he like Bellucci and so we continue.


Laura leaves Liu with Sybille and heads to the airport only to hand out that Liu has hidden in the back seat. As Laura starts to turn around,a eagle flies directly at them,causing Laura to crash her car and Liu is critically injured in the crash.
He is in a coma as Laura watches over him….as she does,a huge cobra suddenly appears to her,its just another mirage.
When Dr. Vonkel is killed,the police step in and the mystery deepens even more as Liu recovers from the brink of death,Sybille suddenly retires from the board of the adoption agency due to being ill. Sergei lets slip that he knows a lot more then he lets on,Laura starts digging into Liu’s past after she receives a cryptic warning.
When Sybille kidnaps Liu,the puzzle starts to take shape as friends become enemies and enemies become the most unexpected allies. The Stone Council is about to convene…


By this time the cheetah is sitting on my chest and looking dead in my eyes. He wants to know why I picked such a terrible film and who in the hell is the director who managed to blow this movie with such heavyweight talent like Deneuve and Bellucci.
And that director would be someone named Guillaume Nicloux. What should have been a gripping story becomes a complete almost unwatchable mess. Scenes are shot herky jerky,no coherent backstory is given,Monica Bellucci looks washed out and tired throughout the movie,there is a scene of a healing that didn’t need gratuitous nudity to convey. After barely hearing from Liu for 80% of the film,he suddenly comes in literally the last scene to explain a plot point that should have been done in the first part…and on and on. It should noted that Nicolas Thau did fine as Liu.
There is a difference between a film that is expected to suck and one that wastes A-List talent. One can laughed away (hello Sharknado!!) but the one with a decent cast that is pissed away leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth. The Stone Council is such a movie,avoid this mess at all costs.

The Stone Council got a thumbs down from me and the cheetah was taking the disc downstairs where I’m hearing scratching.   “Seattle Superstorm” and “ “Assault Girls”
are getting some company.

The Stone Council is a rated “R” and has a run time of 96 minutes.
The only special feature is the trailer.

How about you folks? What movie have you had high hopes for but it totally bombed?
Drop a comment below!


5 thoughts on “Have Cheetah,Will View #70 “The Stone Council”(2006)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s