Its 12:41 pm
My fellow film buff/critic Jim from “Voices From The Balcony” has been on a terrific run of really bad movies. Just about everything he reviewed as of late would be buried in the cheetah’s litterbox. I haven’t seen a reviewer have such a long unbroken streak of bad films since Char from Charred Remains had a 8 film streak,I think Jim’s streak is up to about 12 or 13 in a row.
The cheetah and I were feeling pretty smug,we have been on a pretty good run the last 12 or so reviews with only one slight bump in the road. I suggested that we hit the stack of films that Pam from “All Things Thriller” had graciously gifted us. I really was hyped to see “Zombie Hunter” which was distributed by Well Go USA and has a kick cover of Danny Trejo on the cover,this had “FUN” written all over it.
And it was fun…..well at least it was until I put it on my BluRay player. Then the fun simply stop except for about a minute and no,we ain’t kidding you.
The story,as tired and worn out as a piece of old leather,is a new street drug is turning everyone into zombies. A year later,we meet the lone wolf hero named Hunter. He is Mad Max lite who talks as if he has stumbled into a bad private eye movie. You know he is “tough” as he does a montone voice over while drinking and smoking.He is out in the boondocks as he relates to what happened in the world.
He stops at a abandoned tiny town where behold!! the gas pumps still work and still has gas!! It’s a miracle!!! Yay Hunter!! Leaving the nozzle in his rad Camaro,he ambles into the store where he comments “it too quiet”. He then is attacked by various zombies and one zombie manages to grab Hunter’s shotgun and kill himself….our hero says “zombies ain’t smart” but seriously if you were a zombie,wouldn’t you want to die forever? I think this zombie was the smartest character in the whole damn movie.
Our hero is on his way again when someone shoots him and he crashes his car.
Instead of finishing what you started,a fat lug drags Hunter back to his compound where he discovered the cliche tiny group of survivors led by Father Jesus (Trejo).
Poor Danny does his best with the crap lines that he has to spout and that you hear in just about EVERY SINGLE ZOMBIE FILM EVER. But there is a cool montage of Father Jesus going all Machete on some zombie ass except he is using a axe instead of a machete. This was the highlight of this movie.
Then we see some super monster looking zombie and I suddenly felt a warm “plop” on my foot,that was the cheetah’s sign that he was done. A warm furball will do that….
So was responsible for this litterbox special? Some guy named Kevin King actually attempted to write and direct this and failing at both. I think if he had written this with a tongue firmly in cheek,it MIGHT have worked…if he had actors playing the roles. This film looked like it was cast in The Asylum manner….the first 20 people in the audition room were cast,whether they wanted a part or not. Because they already suffered enough being cast in this mess,I’m not going to name any of the cast,they deserve their privacy…..
But because King wanted to be “cool”,he used a lot of pink backgrounds and listed his characters names when they first pop up,again,something that has been done to death so much,I’m surprised that the cliche didn’t come back as a zombie….and don’t get me started on the 36 listed PRODUCERS….
What really surprised us the most was the fact that Well Go USA agreed to distribute this movie,this is not the norm for them. As a whole,after IFC,I feel Well Go USA puts out the strongest releases of indie films. Someone at Well Go USA clearly dropped the ball in picking “Zombie Hunter” up.
This film is easily one of the worst films we have seen and you know what? I’m glad we had a chance to watch it and I think it was very cool that it was gifted to us. Besides,its not everyday one gets a cheetah furball on one’s foot!
“Zombie Hunter” is rated “R” and has a run time of 90 minutes. There are no special features….what? 36 producers couldn’t come up with any special features???
The cheetah and I gave this one the Seattle Superstorm treatment!
Seen any bad movies lately? (No Jim,you can’t answer this one). Drop us a comment below and share your tale of woe in the comment box.