Have Cheetah,Will View #459 – “Ouija Shark” (2018)

Its 6:17 pm
11 days caffeine free

Something wonderful happened this week….the cheetah and I got a new care package from our good friends over at Wild Eye Releasing!!
The box was wrapped so securely that I didn’t even bother trying to open it,I just held it up and muffled a “pffft” behind it,Paladin then proceeded to slash it open with two swipes.

Wild Eye
The care package included some stickers,a face mask and 9 brand new movies. We both looked through the 9 movies and we saw “Ouija Shark”. We looked at each other and said “bad shark movie”!!!!
With “Shark Exorcist” still fresh in our minds,we dove in to watch “Ouija Shark”.

   The movie opens with Jill driving to a lake to meet her friends. She lays out on a beach full of peebles and no pillow. About a minute after that,she decides to go out into the lake. She makes it to about thigh high in the lake before she gets spooked and dashes out of the water. 
  She then spots a ouija board floating in the water,she picks it and then calls her friends who haven’t shown up yet nor will they because they are all meeting at another girl’s house.

  Jill then packs up her stuff and heads (again) to meet her friends. 
The girls sit around and talk while lounging in the pool,except for one who decides to help a neighbor wash his car. 
  The girls are now bored so Jill decides to break out the ouija board which suddenly has a planchette (the part which guides a user to the various letters/numbers on the board). Despite some misgivings,the four friends start asking the board questions before being freaked out and leaving.

  Soon after a HORRIBLE looking shark pops up in the pool in a Ghost Shark manner and starts offing the girls one by one as well as various other citizens that happen to be in a scene. 
  It was then the cheetah grabbed the DVD case and went upstairs. 
I continued to watch the movie and asking myself my a supernatural ghost ouija shark was being outrun by a girl.
  Suddenly the DVD case went upside my head and the cheetah was in full fluff mode (meaning he is mad). I was about to get upset when the cheetah said the two words NO film critic wants to hear, “Brett Kelly”.
  I told the cheetah that Scott Patrick was the director on the box but yet the HORRIBLE looking toy shark,terrible non-acting actors,cheap looking costumes,absolutely awful kills – the shark does a fist pound with its victims and they disappear….the more I thought about it….


  Sure enough,the wacky crew at Wild Eye had sneaked us a movie made by one of the WORST directors ever,Brett Kelly. How bad is Ouija Shark? Its so bad that when we buried it in the cheetah’s litterbox,his poo all jumped out over the sides. When I attempted to bury it in my back yard,the EPA fined me for dumping toxic waste.  
  Its so bad that Ouija Shark made all our other bad shark movies look like “Jaws: The Revenge” and we know how bad that one was.

  Well anyways,back to our review…..Jill’s dad is killed by the shark,but kills it in a Dr. Mordrid style magical fight.  But damn his eyes,Kelly leaves room for a sequel. 

  Now normally here is where I point out the flaws of the movie but since I just did,let’s point out the good things…..first,Amy Osborne,who plays Tiffany,the car washing friend,is a real cute girl who was the only one in the entire cast who looks like she knew who say her lines. 
  Second and most important and the BEST thing about “Ouija Shark” was that Wild Eye included the trailer for “The VelociPastor” which is a epic film that everyone needs to see. 

  While “Ouija Shark” is listed at 81 minutes,it runs for only 63 and you’ll be counting your blessings for that.  

 The cheetah and I both gave “Ouija Shark” the middle claw (except for Amy) and decided to check out this cool looking Wild Eye movie called “Amityville Island” because we need something fun to watch…..

You can order a copy of “Ouija Shark” by going to the website of Wild Eye Releasing

I need COFFEE!!!!!!

14 thoughts on “Have Cheetah,Will View #459 – “Ouija Shark” (2018)

  1. LOL !!
    You’re a trooper, Michael.
    And VelociPastor……?!
    Man, I can relate. I HATE it when, first thing out of bed in the morning, I have to have a full-on fist fight in my underwear. LOL !!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wonder…is this Kelly guy serious? Is he being purposely bad or his he sincerely trying to entertain? If he’s being sincere, I have a certain empathy for his vulnerability but if he’s just jerking around, I’m, like, get the *@%$ out of here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He is just jerking around,his films show so growth as a director,they are all just as bad as this one and in the case of “Raiders”,even worse.
      He has actually managed to make Peter Fonda and Kevin Sorbo look horrible. (I know Sorbo isn’t much of an example but the man does know his way about westerns). He makes Ed Wood look like Michael Bay……

      Liked by 1 person

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