Out once again doing a little media hunting at my local Family Video. The pickings have been very slim as of late and I have walked out without scoring any new titles. But I thought I got lucky when I saw “AmeriGEDDON” on the shelf. I mean Dina Meyer is in this movie,its got to be decent,right?
Okay,when I reviewed #Horror ,I thought that was the worst film I would review in a long time,I mean there was no way I was going top that horrible mess and when I did,it would be years before I would do so.
It took all of 23 days to find an even worse piece of cheetahpoo then #Horror. 23 days.
AmeriGEDDON is a right wing porn film directed by Chuck Norris’s son,Mike. The plot has a Democratic president conspiring with the United Nations to take out America’s power grid with a space born EMP. This will allow the President to declare martial law under the National Defense Authorization Act and take away decent Americans firearms of which we have over 300 million of.
The movie opens with Barry (Gary Heavin) in a small town hall type setting in Texas arguing with a local politician (Alex Jones…yes,THAT,Jones) over how our rights are slowly being stripped away…the two men disagree and Barry is labeled a “domestic terrorist” while of course he sees himself as a patriot.
Meanwhile in Kentucky,Lt. Brandon Lane and his squad are undergoing urban warfare training. After a mistake with a “crisis actor” that causes Lane to butt heads with his C.O. over why they are doing this kind of training.
When Lane sees his commanding officer talking with Russian and Chinese officers,he wants to know more details but is threatened by his colonel.
The EMP is launched and instantly Barry knows its a attack on America. He gathers his family and friends,including Kelly (Meyer) and dying mother Betty and Kelly’s daughter Frankie. They start making plans to defend their land,despite the EMP only happening the night before!
Meanwhile Lane’s squad is shot down by a UN brigade but after wounding his colonel,Lane steals his old vintage motorcycle and goes AWOL,headed back to Texas..
There is a subplot about rescuing a liberal politicians daughter from a college that erupts in violence the day after the EMP explodes. Well,being that this movie is set in Texas,I tended to believe this part of the movie.
The ending has the “UN Special Brigade” invading the Lane property despite being held off by Sam (AnnaLynne McCord channeling Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2).
How bad is this final showdown? Well the Lanes and their allies include a elderly African American,after the big fight,there is only ONE death on the patriots side and you want to guess who it is???
This movie was financed by Gary Heavin from founded the “Curves” fitness chain. He sold the business and decided that he wanted to make movies with a difference. He also decided to cast himself in his movies so he could have his right wing soapbox and preach from it as well. The acting is terrible,Dina had barely screen time (thank God for small favors and I hope she got a fat check for this part).
The editing was chopped worse then a house salad and I have seen better special effects in Yongary,Monster From the Deep. This movie was wasn’t directed as much as it was a car crash.
I will point out that the young actor who played Brandon Lane (Spencer Neville) has some nice skills and is easily the best thing about “AmeriGEDDON”. His Lane is a cool character and despite the shitty script,plays his role as well as he can. He has a nice string of credits so just like Dina,I wondered how he got roped into this crapfest.
AmeriGEDDON has now taken over the spot for the worst film the cheetah and I have watched. When I suggested we bury this in his litter box,he just opened his mouth and showed me his teeth. Instead,we are going to this to someone special! Paladin gave this all paws down while I gave it a thumbs down but did like Spencer Neville’s performance.
“AmeriGEDDON” is rated PG-13. The special feature is a message from director Mike Norris.
Do you want to know more? You can go to film’s website to do just that.