Isn’t Lonely Lovely revisited

It’s 2:32 pm
21 May 17

I made it through 20 May. I stayed home for the most part other then a quick run to Kroger to pick up some coffee cream. The weather was overcast pretty much all day. In fact it is still overcast and gloomy and its raining pretty hard. The quiet was actually welcomed as I didn’t do anything really at all after I got home other then a load of laundry. Well that and tears of course…..my mind was both on Lori and a host of other people….Radha,Donald,Terri,Stikmon,Gary and Rick. Where we are and what will the future bring

I got some iced coffee going and I’m listening to Vincent D’Onfrio being interviewed on Kevin Pollak’s YouTube podcast. I follow Vincent on Twitter and I find him to be a very gentle man who happens to act very intensely.
While many folks remember Vincent from “Full Metal Jacket”,my favorite of his roles is his turn as Det. Robert Goren on “Law & Order : Criminal Intent”. I always felt Goren was our version of Sherlock Holmes in so many ways. His Goren always was determined to get justice but also cared very deeply for the victims of the various crimes he was assigned to.
I wasn’t able to walk yesterday but I am after I complete this entry…on Friday I went on a walk with Susan Smiley,who has written a few blog entries for me and has been a dear friend for over 15 years. We had planned to walk the trail by the River Rouge here in Canton but the weather wasn’t too promising so we went to the trail I normally walk.
As we got to the park,we saw that local Relay For Life was being set up for Saturday. Sponsor tents were popping up and as a little sprinkle tried to fall,we were a free canoe ride by a sponsor. Maybe next time…..today we were walking!!

The park was quiet as we walked past the canoe tent,a couple of folks were on the water as we hit the back curve and headed up to the front. Several mallard ducks were out and about including a family that were hiding under a empty tent. Three ducklings were with mom and dad. We stopped and Susan took these two pictures before we headed on.
We did an expanded loop and went a different route then I normally do. As we crossed a little bridge,we saw a wedding taking place. It was a small one,maybe about 30 people in attendance ,the couple were saying their vows when we walked by. I told Susan “I pray they get more time then we did”. To say this was a bit surreal….walking past the best day in our lives to a harsh reminder in the cancer walk of the saddest time. We walked three loops before getting some coffee at Tim Horton’s and just catching up..
Thanks to my boy PMac,whose YouTube channel I profiled here Have Cheetah,Will Review #34 – Our favorite YouTube Movie Channels ,I found out that Dollar Tree was having one of its quarterly DVD/BluRay sales. I told my buddy Romey and we did a little media hunting. We both found some nice titles,he was even cool enough to score me one of my favorite comedies which I didn’t have ,Eddie Griffin’s “Undercover Brother” which was a cool send up of “Three the Hard Way”a classic from the early 1970s.

I also am happy to say I have a new “8 Questions with…..” interview that I will be posting later on tonight,once again,we’re going across the Pond to chat with the very talented and charming Amy Kinder who will be a household name VERY soon as she is one of the hardest working teen actors I have watched. Between Amy and Ella Ballentine (Have Cheetah,Will View #24 – ” Standoff”),one can see where the next group of talented actresses are coming from.

Below is a blog I wrote just last year and decided to transfer it here.  I did so because I love the song that I included,the amazing Barbara Manning’s “Isn’t Lonely Lovely?”
Funny thing is,other then not working,everything is the same from the post below. The only thing is I am getting out more. I am alone but not lonely. No time left for that emotion I suppose.

 

It’s 6:12 pm
3 July 16

So I am supposed to be writing a new “Have Cheetah,Will Review” but am having trouble coming up with the words needed for the review.
I guess I have been distracted ever since I saw my friend Radha ask the difference between alone and lonely in relation to losing a spouse/soulmate or life in general.
So in my case….

Am I lonely? No,not really. I have a full-time job,a cheetah that makes me laugh,am starting to volunteer again and of course,watch a lot of Dollar Tree Theater.
The real test to this came about 3 months ago when the one friend I had and did activities with got a new relationship and decided to cut our friendship for no reason at all. No warning,no discussion…just “fuck you” and that was it.
Was I upset at this? Yes and no…..no,I am not personally mad because I actually had been encouraging this person to get back into dating again,she has a lot to offer and I know she was attracted to the person she liked. The steps to the relationship wasn’t easy,there had been a couple of false starts and looking back at it,the same thing happened back then too. I got a date,don’t need anything from you….until it didn’t turn out as planned and soon enough my friend started wanting to hang out again. No biggie because I enjoy her company.

What I am pissed off about and have kept my mouth shut until now is my friend was very upset when the same thing to her with another close friend. This person was a former co-worker who along with my friend,reached out to me after Lori’s passing.
The three of us hung out for coffee and did a couple of volunteer projects together.
We noticed her discussions started leaning right in how she saw the world and shortly after getting a new job,she cut ties with everyone from our work. Cold turkey,just like that.
Since I didn’t know her that well and simply because I really didn’t care,it didn’t upset ME personally. But it really hurt my friend very much and for that reason,I was pissed off.
She was perplexed and wondered what or if her lifestyle offended her,if something was said that wasn’t true,political reasons…she wanted to know why the friendship was broken.  It bothered her (and still does) greatly. When the former co-worker started to slowly come around again,she would talk to others but barely said a word to my friend.
It hurt her feelings because she didn’t deserve to be treated like that…..so you can get the strange sense of irony and hypocrisy when my friend did the same thing to our friendship.
The only difference is I know why she cut the cord so to speak. She has a new relationship and needs to focus on that. But to turn around and do the very exact thing that happened to you??? Yeah,I don’t need nor want any of that crap.

So,am I feeling lonely? Honestly….no. I have had little desire to do much of anything…until Radha posted that question. This situation can be incredibly dangerous for widows/widowers,a lot of people rise up to take advantage of them,emotionally,financially,sexually and of course all of the above. I know folks who have gone through this..they are either afraid to be alone or lonely and so reach out for human contact. In two cases,their willingness to share their experiences have spared me any potential traps. Not that I was going along that route because I sure as hell haven’t but being aware of WHAT could happen by rushing before one is ready…
Some people can’t stand being alone,they need people around them all the time,they
I have reached out to one person,my friend Sharon. We met last year and walked a few times over the summer.  I think she was skeptical when I told her upfront I just wanted a light friendship. She said that many men have said that to her but by the 3rd or 4th date,they want more. I can understand that because she is a kind woman with a wonderful heart and that men are attracted to that as a whole…and I think I surprised her a bit when in fact,I was true to my word and have been respectful of her feelings. I find her company to be very nice and I find myself trying to make her laugh because she has a good laugh.
I do find myself battling isolation,getting up and going to work,going home and shutting the door. I was invited to a group dinner but as the date got closer ,I found myself just wanting to go home and doing my usual routines. I guess I am preferring my own company..I know I tend to want to be alone during May-July more then any other time.
I do want contact but strictly on my terms and conditions….I hope I’m not coming across as rambling (but if I am,Michelle will tell me,right???)

This post has taken forever to write…..so many mixed emotions run through me as I attempt to put words on paper.

My neighbors Justin and Erica are selling their house. I will be welcoming in my 3rd family since Lori and I moved here in 2006. I had a feeling when I saw a sudden exodus of decent furniture sitting on the curb,free to whoever wanted it and by how fast it went,a lot of folks did indeed want it.
The “For Sale” is now up and it won’t take long for it to sell…its a small house,really ideal for couples with maybe one child. The backyard is nice and maintained very well. I hope the new folks are as nice as Justin and Erica are…..
And coming home this week…..it seemed like half of my block was packing for vacation,cars were lined up when families packing gear. Sort of looked like the set of a disaster film with the way folks were bringing stuff out of the house.

 

The city where I live in has banned fireworks this year due to the extremely dry weather. It has been a very dry season,we get reports of potential thunderstorms 2-3 a week but they either fizzle out or stay in the Indiana/Ohio area and we stay dry.
The temps have been decent,nothing unbearably hot so far,a few days over 90 but just dry,dry,dry.
What is crazy is our city allows fireworks and there are vendors selling them and based on the traffic I have seen there,are doing very well. I am just wondering with a ban in place,will people respect that or be thoughtless and put them and their neighbors at risk?
The cheetah doesn’t care…we had our local Liberty Fest and they do a huge fireworks display,the festival is about 1 and a half miles from our house.
This year the city must have had some extra cash because the fireworks went on forever and they were LOUD as hell!!  Paladin wasn’t bothered at all….he just laid on his windowsill and looked outside. He really isn’t scared of anything….except running out of treats!!
I was conducting some business a couple of weeks ago. I usually see the same person and we have talked quite a bit about our lives. We can leave a conversation and three months go by and we see each and pick up where we left.
As we talked,she said her birthday was coming up and I asked her if she had any special plans. It took me by surprise when she said didn’t. I offered to take her out for dinner and she accepted. I then spent the next part of the week quite nervous because I haven’t asked anyone out on a “date” in over 16 years.
The day comes and I pick her up and we head out to eat. We started talking and I told her I would have thought she was seeing someone because she is really attractive and kind. It turns out she does have a boyfriend but their relationship is a little sideways because he is still emotionally fragile from a nasty divorce.
As she was telling this,I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders,not because I expecting anything because I sure as hell wasn’t….I just felt lighter and more at ease. We talked and enjoyed our dinner. I walked her to her car,gave her a quick hug and drove home.

Well that is it for now…..thanks for reading as always. And thank you in advance for dropping a comment or hitting the “Like” button.

Shout outs – (from 3 July 16)

Sharon – congratulations on your brand new granddaughter Alanna! You’re going to need a bigger stroller!!

Radha – thanks for asking your question

Penny aka The Prez – You are not allowed anymore vacations!!!

Cezanne – Sending you light and love in this most difficult week.

Phil Steele – SJSU 3rd in the MWC West Division? I think we can get second if we can get past Utah.

Phillip – Sounds like you had a awesome visit with your son. He really looks just like you.

Romey – Suicide Squad is coming up fast!!

Joe Sib – I didn’t know a week was 28 days!!

Jessica Cameron – The cheetah and I are looking forward to watching “Run Like Hell”
Well,he was looking forward to it til I told him it wasn’t about cheetahs….

 

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Shout outs from 21 May 17

Renee W,Jalyne F,Cindy C,Theresa S,Ivy C,Jackie P,Robin S,Jim J,Amy L- thank you for the notes.

Susan S- I say we walk again this Friday.

Romey- Thanks for the media hunt. South Bronx Heroes!!

Detroit Motor City Comic Con – For saving me so much money!

IAMS – Because the cheetah told me to say so. You don’t argue with a cheetah.

Eric Hyde – You are a cyberbully’s worst nightmare. Thank you for taking a stand.

PMac and Spie Kat – For always being so much fun to watch!!

Amy K- Thank you for the interview.