Have Cheetah,Will View #353 – “Blood Paradise” (2019)

Its 8:23 pm

The cheetah and I were talking about our crazy day of rain yesterday and yet how hot it is this week. I suggested he cool down in the basement and down he went only to turn around and bring up our latest movie from our friend Ray at Artsploitation Films. After “Rondo” came within seconds  of being a solid thrill ride,we’re eagerly hoping for a hit along the lines of “Molly” and “Luciferina“….let’s GOOOOO!!!


Hmmmm,stop me if you heard this plot before……famed writer Robin Richards (Andrea Winters) needs a new hit,her last book just didn’t cut the mustard and her manager has decided to send Robin to Sweden to spend some quiet time on a farm in the hopes she can get her mojo back.

But this farm and the neighbors around it are far from normal..starting from the fan obsessed driver Bubi (who looks like Steve Buscemi with good teeth),Bubi’s insanely jealous wife and then the farm people….Rolfe,his crazy sister and Rolfe’s equally demented son who enjoys tracking Robin down with a hunting rifle.
With a slew of characters like this running around,Robin should have no problem writing her new hit,right?

Wow….where to even begin other then mourn a golden opportunity to make a great film…almost all the pieces were there,interesting characters,a potentially great mystery,red herrings everywhere,a beautiful setting that is the farm and a beautiful leading lady in Andrea Winter.

So what went wrong with “Blood Paradise”? I rather talk about about what went right and that would be Rolf Brunnstrom who plays Farmer Rolfe,he by far was the most interesting and tragic soul here. His Rolfe is mourning his wife who is buried on the farm in the garden. He is a good man but the loss of his wife has cracked his egg in a seriously demented way. Brunnstrom steals every scene he is in and that is saying a lot since Ms. Winters was naked for a lot of this film.

And THAT is way “Blood Paradise” fails….its the first 45 minutes just following Robin around,be it pleasuring herself in the tub (its Swedish,deal with it),sparring with Bubi about her writing or Robin going skinny dipping and having her clothes taken.
There is no back story on any of the characters,we see them doing things but their development is ignored by another nude scene with Ms. Winter. So maybe we could live with that except that while Andrea is very pretty,she can’t act worth a spit,if she was doing a movie about playing poker….give her an Oacar already but here,she come across as cold,detatched and for a movie that prides itself as a bit of a slasher film,she can’t scream at all!!! She is pretty much emotionless throughout the entire film and the two scenes where she is supposed to be overwhelmed by what she is seeing…it rings hollow and unconvincing. I have heard the cheetah scream louder in scaring dogs across the street.

Director Patrick Van Barkenberg,working off a script co-written by Winter (they are a couple) wastes the first 45 minutes and attempts to cram an action packed 35 minutes with several violent scenes tossed in but by this time,we have lost interest because we don’t care about any of the characters except Rolfe and we never find out his story.
This was frustrating because “Blood Paradise” had a lot potential……the film looks beautiful and the farm is a solid character in its own right.


“Blood Paradise” is a hard “R” rating and has a run time of 84 minutes.
Special features include deleted scenes and music videos along with a trailer.
You can buy a copy of “Blood Paradise” from the website of Artsploitation Films.

This is the second film from Artsploitation has just slipped just a little short but I dig these guys,they make some very interesting choices in which films they pick up and I still have a ace up my sleeve as I have two more of their films to review and I will be posting those soon…..

Feel free to drop a comment below,feedback is always welcome!

7 thoughts on “Have Cheetah,Will View #353 – “Blood Paradise” (2019)

  1. I am so sorry you also had to waste your time with this flick. I thought the awkward attempts at comedy clashed with the atmospheric mystery approach. I found most of the acting to be awful, with Winter being the worst offender by far.

    You and Paladin have my sympathies for having to ensure such trash.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nothing can ever really beat Misery anyway, can it, when it comes to writers being tortured in isolated locations. And Mr. Caan didn’t have to get naked to make a great movie, lol !!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Blood Paradise was a missed oppurtunity for something fun and different. But I hope the filmmakers learned some lessons and will become better storytellers and actors for it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s